Quiet Mountain Essays
| Copyright © 2008 |
| Why this See-Saw? by Dr. Asha Choubey |
It was with much enthusiasm that I accepted the invitation to deliver some lectures to a group of
teachers in a refresher course on Women Empowerment. I had three reasons to look forward to the
course: a) It was undoubtedly my favourite subject, b) I like meeting like-minded people c) As the
coordinator for Capacity Building for Women Managers in Higher Education, I am required to visit
Universities/Colleges and transact the manuals prepared by the core-committee for the sensitization
workshops; but this time it was going to be different, I would speak from my heart.
I was almost certain that people attending a refresher course on Women Empowerment must have
been motivated by our cause, a zeal to make a better world for women. It was to be a mixed group
comprised of 25 women and 15 men - all Higher Education teachers; in three days, I was to conduct
six sessions of one and a half hours each. My first session was on ‘ Management of Personal and
Professional Roles’, and by the end of the session I could sense there was something wrong. I had
never expected homogeneity in such a big group, but the kind of hostility I could sense was also
unexpected.
During the session, the women had been very inhibited; yet, at tea they mixed with me heartily,
exchanging thoughts and opinions as if we had known each other for ages. I was happy; the ice, I
thought, was broken finally.
But as soon as we gathered for the second session, I discovered the ice forming again. So it was not as
I had thought, there was indeed something amiss. The men were more eloquent, rather imposing in
their inputs; the women were reticent, and what was more horrible, some of them were also quite
indifferent. I could take anything, but certainly not indifference. Enthusiasm is what we needed, and
enthusiasm I was going to infuse. However, this was only possible if they were allowed to do what
they were most interested in, and that was speaking rather than listening. It seemed the women had
reached their tolerance level and they could not take any more of what they clearly thought was only
lip service to the cause of women empowerment. So before beginning my session, I asked them to
share their experiences as women and as teachers, how they were able to manage their Personal and
Professional Roles.
Women became vocal suddenly, there was so much inside them wanting to burst forth. Some very
basic doubts started to appear in the air: “Why should I take leave every time when my mother-in-
law is in bed?” “Why can’t he prepare breakfast for the kids, if I have a morning class to go to?”
“When my male colleague excuses himself for an hour between the classes to drop his son to school,
he is looked upon as a family person, but when I have to do the same to take my daughter to her
dancing classes they laugh behind my back: 'Women, my friend, they can never be sincere about their
work', they say.”
Petrified by this sudden attack, one of the men stood up to make a remark that he thought would
silence the women: "Don’t you think, by talking of empowerment, you women are shaking the very
roots of our glorious Indian Culture?"
Clearly, this enlightened person thought women empowerment was a Western concept. I had to clear
his doubts; it seemed this man’s memory was too short to remember the really glorious Vedic times
when women empowerment was practiced, not discussed. Women, then, were not inhibited by
gender constraints. Or perhaps this man’s memory was too self-centered to remember something that
apparently did not suit his vested interests. I was more shocked by his attitude because he was not the
average man on the street, but a respected Higher Education teacher entrusted with the job of
shaping countless minds. If he has such gnarled ideas, God save our youth. Some women teachers,
apparently pleased with my answer, then gave input with more enthusiasm than I had seen before.
More encouraged by my response, one of them, then, said in a what I thought was quite a dramatic
fashion, "For long we have taken it from you, now it’s our turn. So, men beware!"
Now, this certainly was not how I wanted it. I had wanted to take advantage of being able to address
men in a context which was undoubtedly gender-centric. I looked at it as a rare opportunity, in my
country, to be able to gender sensitize men and women together. This I could do only as a friend, I
could not afford any hostility; at the same time, I did not want to silence the woman because that
would have been tantamount to defeating the very purpose. So I threw a question to the house:
“Now, who of you agree with my friend that we have to get back at men now?”
As expected, there was a mixed reaction; some thought the woman was right, men must face the
brunt now. They were too happy to be able to vent their long pent up anger (and, as I later
discovered, pent up since the first day of the refresher course too). I could see their happy faces, I
could see the cathartic effect that their outburst had had on them. There were many others who
thought (and I was happy they were there) that sensible men could still be our comrades, our
partners. My job was done - to purge one group of all frustrations by allowing them to break their
silence and at the same time to convey a friendship message to men; and all this without voicing my
opinion. I applauded myself on my cleverness.
Little did I know then that my battle had just begun. Taking my empathy with men as antipathy for
women, one of the men said, “I do not have an objection to empowerment of women, but how do you
justify the lesbianism that is on the rise in the West where women are more empowered than they are
in India?” I thought, take a break, gentleman, such a long question! But what was it about lesbianism? I
was aghast. To me, lesbianism relates to women empowerment as much as being gay relates to male
chauvinism. I do not see a connection. I do not understand how in these times a teacher can be so
naïve as to seriously think lesbianism is anything but just another expression of women’s sexuality.
At length I explained to him that it is the battle of genders we are fighting, I do not see any war
between the sexes. And just when I had started believing I could make him see some sense, he came
up with what seemed like another blow, “It makes me happy to see that, after all, you agree that
lesbianism is abnormal and dirty.” Now, when did I say that? I only said lesbianism is just another
way some women look at their sexuality. Just because it is only some women, and not all, does not
mean they are abnormal. It is as normal to them as heterosexuality is to most of us, or as gay
sexuality to many men. Needless to say, the women opened up after that; all their inhibitions gone.
Although I was happy that all our sessions after that were interactive, I noticed, to my chagrin, that
they seemed like a vote of confidence session in our parliament. It was as if there were two opposite
parties sitting there and I was the poor speaker who had to declare whether the Ayes or the Nays had
it. But each day was a new day, making me richer in experience. I especially remember the Sanskrit
Professor's remark, “There is a system, a well organized system that has pulled us through every crisis,
and this system is based on a balance; women empowerment is creating an imbalance, and the
system will collapse if you go on with this. How do you prepare yourself for the chaos then?”
Needless to say, many women just pounced on the man. "What balance? What system?” “The
system that does not allow the Women’s Reservation Bill to be passed in Parliament, because no party
will touch it?!” “Which allows a cop like *Kiran Bedi to be superseded by a man whose only merit
over Kiran was that he was a man!” “A system that cannot give the right to dignity of life to women
does not have the right to continue!”
In the end, after the course, all the participants must have gone back to routine life, but there is a
doubt that lingers still. Why is it that men and women cannot exist as two equals? Why do we have to
be on a see-saw, where if one goes up the other has to come down?
Why do men think it convenient to attack women’s sexuality in order to fight a losing battle? When
will they grow up?
And most importantly, why can’t we respect each other’s right to speak?
*Note: Kiran Bedi was India's first and highest ranking woman officer in the Indian Police Service.
teachers in a refresher course on Women Empowerment. I had three reasons to look forward to the
course: a) It was undoubtedly my favourite subject, b) I like meeting like-minded people c) As the
coordinator for Capacity Building for Women Managers in Higher Education, I am required to visit
Universities/Colleges and transact the manuals prepared by the core-committee for the sensitization
workshops; but this time it was going to be different, I would speak from my heart.
I was almost certain that people attending a refresher course on Women Empowerment must have
been motivated by our cause, a zeal to make a better world for women. It was to be a mixed group
comprised of 25 women and 15 men - all Higher Education teachers; in three days, I was to conduct
six sessions of one and a half hours each. My first session was on ‘ Management of Personal and
Professional Roles’, and by the end of the session I could sense there was something wrong. I had
never expected homogeneity in such a big group, but the kind of hostility I could sense was also
unexpected.
During the session, the women had been very inhibited; yet, at tea they mixed with me heartily,
exchanging thoughts and opinions as if we had known each other for ages. I was happy; the ice, I
thought, was broken finally.
But as soon as we gathered for the second session, I discovered the ice forming again. So it was not as
I had thought, there was indeed something amiss. The men were more eloquent, rather imposing in
their inputs; the women were reticent, and what was more horrible, some of them were also quite
indifferent. I could take anything, but certainly not indifference. Enthusiasm is what we needed, and
enthusiasm I was going to infuse. However, this was only possible if they were allowed to do what
they were most interested in, and that was speaking rather than listening. It seemed the women had
reached their tolerance level and they could not take any more of what they clearly thought was only
lip service to the cause of women empowerment. So before beginning my session, I asked them to
share their experiences as women and as teachers, how they were able to manage their Personal and
Professional Roles.
Women became vocal suddenly, there was so much inside them wanting to burst forth. Some very
basic doubts started to appear in the air: “Why should I take leave every time when my mother-in-
law is in bed?” “Why can’t he prepare breakfast for the kids, if I have a morning class to go to?”
“When my male colleague excuses himself for an hour between the classes to drop his son to school,
he is looked upon as a family person, but when I have to do the same to take my daughter to her
dancing classes they laugh behind my back: 'Women, my friend, they can never be sincere about their
work', they say.”
Petrified by this sudden attack, one of the men stood up to make a remark that he thought would
silence the women: "Don’t you think, by talking of empowerment, you women are shaking the very
roots of our glorious Indian Culture?"
Clearly, this enlightened person thought women empowerment was a Western concept. I had to clear
his doubts; it seemed this man’s memory was too short to remember the really glorious Vedic times
when women empowerment was practiced, not discussed. Women, then, were not inhibited by
gender constraints. Or perhaps this man’s memory was too self-centered to remember something that
apparently did not suit his vested interests. I was more shocked by his attitude because he was not the
average man on the street, but a respected Higher Education teacher entrusted with the job of
shaping countless minds. If he has such gnarled ideas, God save our youth. Some women teachers,
apparently pleased with my answer, then gave input with more enthusiasm than I had seen before.
More encouraged by my response, one of them, then, said in a what I thought was quite a dramatic
fashion, "For long we have taken it from you, now it’s our turn. So, men beware!"
Now, this certainly was not how I wanted it. I had wanted to take advantage of being able to address
men in a context which was undoubtedly gender-centric. I looked at it as a rare opportunity, in my
country, to be able to gender sensitize men and women together. This I could do only as a friend, I
could not afford any hostility; at the same time, I did not want to silence the woman because that
would have been tantamount to defeating the very purpose. So I threw a question to the house:
“Now, who of you agree with my friend that we have to get back at men now?”
As expected, there was a mixed reaction; some thought the woman was right, men must face the
brunt now. They were too happy to be able to vent their long pent up anger (and, as I later
discovered, pent up since the first day of the refresher course too). I could see their happy faces, I
could see the cathartic effect that their outburst had had on them. There were many others who
thought (and I was happy they were there) that sensible men could still be our comrades, our
partners. My job was done - to purge one group of all frustrations by allowing them to break their
silence and at the same time to convey a friendship message to men; and all this without voicing my
opinion. I applauded myself on my cleverness.
Little did I know then that my battle had just begun. Taking my empathy with men as antipathy for
women, one of the men said, “I do not have an objection to empowerment of women, but how do you
justify the lesbianism that is on the rise in the West where women are more empowered than they are
in India?” I thought, take a break, gentleman, such a long question! But what was it about lesbianism? I
was aghast. To me, lesbianism relates to women empowerment as much as being gay relates to male
chauvinism. I do not see a connection. I do not understand how in these times a teacher can be so
naïve as to seriously think lesbianism is anything but just another expression of women’s sexuality.
At length I explained to him that it is the battle of genders we are fighting, I do not see any war
between the sexes. And just when I had started believing I could make him see some sense, he came
up with what seemed like another blow, “It makes me happy to see that, after all, you agree that
lesbianism is abnormal and dirty.” Now, when did I say that? I only said lesbianism is just another
way some women look at their sexuality. Just because it is only some women, and not all, does not
mean they are abnormal. It is as normal to them as heterosexuality is to most of us, or as gay
sexuality to many men. Needless to say, the women opened up after that; all their inhibitions gone.
Although I was happy that all our sessions after that were interactive, I noticed, to my chagrin, that
they seemed like a vote of confidence session in our parliament. It was as if there were two opposite
parties sitting there and I was the poor speaker who had to declare whether the Ayes or the Nays had
it. But each day was a new day, making me richer in experience. I especially remember the Sanskrit
Professor's remark, “There is a system, a well organized system that has pulled us through every crisis,
and this system is based on a balance; women empowerment is creating an imbalance, and the
system will collapse if you go on with this. How do you prepare yourself for the chaos then?”
Needless to say, many women just pounced on the man. "What balance? What system?” “The
system that does not allow the Women’s Reservation Bill to be passed in Parliament, because no party
will touch it?!” “Which allows a cop like *Kiran Bedi to be superseded by a man whose only merit
over Kiran was that he was a man!” “A system that cannot give the right to dignity of life to women
does not have the right to continue!”
In the end, after the course, all the participants must have gone back to routine life, but there is a
doubt that lingers still. Why is it that men and women cannot exist as two equals? Why do we have to
be on a see-saw, where if one goes up the other has to come down?
Why do men think it convenient to attack women’s sexuality in order to fight a losing battle? When
will they grow up?
And most importantly, why can’t we respect each other’s right to speak?
*Note: Kiran Bedi was India's first and highest ranking woman officer in the Indian Police Service.
| Contributor's Notes... |
Dr. Asha Choubey is a Reader in English and Head of the Department of Humanities at MJP Rohilkhand
University, Bareilly, Uttar Pradesh India. Her book, The Fictional Milieu of Nayantara Sahgal, has earned
much critical acclaim. Dr. Choubey is University Grants Commission Trainer/Coordinator for Capacity Building
Programme for Women Managers in Higher Education. She is interested in life, Women's issues and Indian
English Fiction by women.
University, Bareilly, Uttar Pradesh India. Her book, The Fictional Milieu of Nayantara Sahgal, has earned
much critical acclaim. Dr. Choubey is University Grants Commission Trainer/Coordinator for Capacity Building
Programme for Women Managers in Higher Education. She is interested in life, Women's issues and Indian
English Fiction by women.
