I grew up in a small town in Iowa, and I have been lucky enough to have had sustaining, intimate relationships with many of the girls with whom I grew up. I have kept in continuous contact with many of my closest friends from Iowa after moving out of state a number of years ago.
Since moving from Iowa, I have again been fortunate enough to meet a number of women who I consider an integral part of my life. Having lived for a number of years in both San Francisco and Atlanta, my closest girlfriends have unique and varied pasts. My friends come from various parts of the country, and they all have very different backgrounds in terms of class, religion, and family structure. Unfortunately, one of the things that many of my friends have in common is that they have been sexually abused at one point in their lives. Most of these amazing, empowered, educated (both formally and informally), and successful women have at one time in their lives (and for some of them, at repeated times in their lives), have been sexually abused by friends, relatives, strangers, husbands, or lovers.
We happen to live in a society that seems to ignore, and perhaps even tolerate, violence against women and girls. The statistics are shocking: one in three women will be abused at some point in their lives, and one in six women will be sexually assaulted. Our society tolerates, and even romanticizes, sexualized violence; all you have to do is take a look around to see proof of this. Women and young girls are repeatedly exposed to images and messages that normalize such violence through advertisements, movies, and music.
The latest mainstream romanticizing of sexualized violence is the movie “Twilight.” As a daughter of a veteran (and highly regarded) middle school and high school reading teacher, I generally support anything that encourages young people to read. Until I finally gave in and watched the movie “Twilight,” which is based on a series of very popular novels. I was thrilled that so many young people, and especially young girls, were excited to read novels that I could sense resonated with them. It wasn't until I watched the movie that I started to become concerned about this particular popular culture sensation.
For those of you who have not seen the movie, the plot centers around a teenage girl who falls in love with a vampire. She is irrationally drawn to him, and this is dangerous for her because he constantly must fight his instincts to kill her in order to drink her blood. The movie focuses on her obsession with this vampire, and how their attraction is both dangerous yet intensely erotic. In short, the movie very explicitly sexualizes violence and seems to be telling young girls that it is okay, sexy even, if they fall in love with, and want to be with, a man who wants to do them harm.
I realize that there are those who will argue that I am taking this movie too seriously. If this movie were an isolated phenomenon it would not worry me so much; however, our society is saturated with advertisements, movies, and music that all broadcast this same kind of message. From a young age, girls are taught implicitly and explicitly that gendered violence is the norm, and that this particular kind of violence is even potentially sexy. For years feminists inside and outside of academia have delineated the ways in which gendered violence permeates much of what we as a society consume within the realm of popular culture, yet we continue to see these same sorts of plots reproduced.
The fact is that we live in a society with sickeningly high statistics of rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence. I believe that we must be critical of stories that contain romantic story lines of girls falling in love with violent and mysterious men that wish to do them harm. Sadly, the horrifying statistics of violence against women and girls becomes less shocking once a critical lens is used in order to investigate the various messages females receive in our culture about love and romance.
The harm done to many of my closest friends can never be un-done. They have had to come to terms with their abuse in different ways, and thankfully many of them have used their horrific experiences in ways that allow them to help others who have had similar experiences. My hope is that, by opening up critical dialogue about potentially harmful images and messages that seem to circulate unquestioned, we can prevent future abuse against girls and women.
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