Quiet Mountain Essays
Copyright© 2009
The Spark in Her Eyes
by
Dr. Lamya F. Ramadan
Asst. Prof., English Dept.; College for Women - Prince Sultan University, Riyadh
What are those eyes staring at? What’s on the mind of an Arab woman? Her eyes tell a lot. The
spark in her eyes tells one how happy or sad she is. In many Arab women’s eyes, this spark is not
there. An Arab woman is born with the guilt of a crime she did not commit. She is born to fight for
her survival. Girls grow up to be aware of the presence of the fox...men - like little red riding hood. If
she can’t look out for him, he’ll reach her and eat her up. Yes, and many women have given up this
war and relented to the prevalent rules of society which stipulate that she is ‘awra’ or sacred, and
therefore has to cover herself up from evil eyes...but whose? She can only go out three times in her
life: first she moves out from her mother’s womb; then out from her father’s to her husband’s house to
be married; and finally, out from her home to her grave!
In Nigeria, West Africa, women are tigers in disguise. A woman is not born dependent on anyone
but herself. She is brought up to be clever, strong, and respected by family and society. She has
duties that when done, assure nobody can hurt her pride or reputation. Yes, there are women who are
forced to marry young; yes, there are men who drink palm wine from dawn to dusk; and yes, there is
poverty in some parts of the country, but the Nigerian woman can fend for herself with her in-born
claws. She is born a fierce fighter with no innate fears or feelings of ascribed inferiority. She learns to
dig, plough, herd, and bake from a very young age. Her magical hands start crafting and singing
early, sweeping and cooking at the age of ten, and marrying at fifteen. Her child is on her back most
of the time, held by a colorful cotton wrapper that never falls off. She breast feeds in public, because
motherhood is natural and should not be hidden.
In Egypt, a girl is born with mixed reactions. If there was a boy born before her, then ‘hamdulAllah’
or thank God, she and her mother are fine. If she is the first born, then the baby’s mother is told
‘inshallah’ or if God Wills, your next born will be a boy. Many Egyptians are not that concerned
about gender, but a good many in the villages are. Some men remarry, believing that the first wife
only bears girls. Ignorant, and sometimes unlucky, they either get a girl again or a boy by chance.
Many families have six girls and a boy who capped off the trials; and, of course, such a boy is
brought up pampered and spoiled because he carries the family's name and inheritance, which would
otherwise be 'lost' to girls who pass them out to their husband's family. This is because when an Arab
woman inherits from her father, she passes her wealth down to her children, who carry their father's,
(her husband's) name. Only boys keep the wealth of the family intact. How cruel to blame girls for
traditions that favor one gender over the other.
For this reason, in many Arab cultures, girls are expected to marry their cousins, and only when there
aren't any suitable for marriage would she marry from outside the family. Nowadays, this is
changing everywhere and wealth is no longer stagnant. Girls aspire to marry into families richer
than their own, so they bring more money to their family. However, educated girls do have a say in
which family they marry into; they can choose, refuse, and even marry from outside their country.
Strangely enough, some girls are kept in the family for as long as possible, because they earn money
from their jobs and thus help out with the family's expenses!
Egypt is changing very fast. Women are gaining ground at schools, universities, at work, and in the
street. However, they were not born to be strong. An Egyptian girl is brought up with traditional
values that focus on the ‘day you will marry,’ and her parents keep preparing her for this day from
birth. Incidences of traditional circumcision of girls is going down in the villages and is unheard of in
the cities. In the villages, old traditions prevail under religious disguise so that no one questions why
they are done. Many girls die under the hands of ‘dayas’ or local women who deliver babies and
circumcise for a fee. These women have no training whatsoever. If their victim dies, it is ‘nasebha’ or
her share of faith. Television programs are increasing awareness on this issue and they are supported
by local sheikhs or priests, which proves that there is no part in the Quran that requires this activity.
In Saudi Arabia, women are a whole other story. Women are definitely ‘awra’ all over, and are thus
covered in black wrappers from head to toe. They are escorted everywhere by a ‘mehrem’ or
chaperone, for protection and surveillance. Women are given a prestigious status, which is ironic in
some ways. While she has half a house, divided into rooms for women on one side and men on the
other, walls and doors everywhere separate any family activity. Only foreign servants from the Far
East move in and out of rooms cleaning, cooking, and serving both sexes equally. Saudi women are
getting stronger at their own rate, but one that is slower than the rest of the world due to strict
cultural restrictions that are very hard to evade.
Schools and universities, government offices and many other institutions, are either for men-only or
women-only; in this case, no man walks into a women’s building and vice versa. This dual life
strangely works successfully in this part of the world. Women are not allowed to drive under any
circumstances. They may not travel, except with a ‘mehrem’ which is usually her father, brother,
husband or son. In some recent cases, a signature of her guardian is required if she has no kin.
When it comes to going out, women are packed into large vans and a driver heads with them to the
market or mall. The driver is their chaperone but he waits in the car with a mobile phone in hand,
then moves like a dizzy bee for hours from one part of the city to the other, until he is commanded to
drive straight back to their high-walled lodgings or villas again.
Many new marriage styles have erupted under the umbrella of a marriage of convenience, where a
woman summons a man to marry her with no consummation of the contract. That is, the marriage
is for expediting her requested needs such as traveling unaccompanied, buying a car, building a
home or business etc. The man’s job is to sign papers for her, appear in court for her, and sell or buy
on her behalf, as her face and body are covered and she cannot handle these matters on her own.
This kind of marriage keeps a woman safe to some extent, but is not a religious marriage in the
acceptable sense.
Saudi women have a high level of endurance. They go into labor without any sound; covered from
head to toe in black, they are seen at hospitals waiting for the doctor, and no woman is heard calling
out or screaming at a child in public areas. What they do to summon children, drivers, and to get
attention, is they use their hands to signal in a way that is fast and not very clear. Sometimes girls in
the university find it difficult to recognize their drivers, because they have a veil on their face and this
hinders seeing the exact color of the van, which is usually white, gray, brown or black. (Rarely are
cars found in yellow, green, red and pink, or even purple, like everywhere else.) This does not mean
Saudi women are primitive. On the contrary, they have high tech mobile phones, bank accounts,
assets, stock exchange access, and Internet facilities...everything that money can buy. Most Saudi
women are not willing to change this culture. The minority who want change are those who have
reached university level, or have graduated and want to work.
In Egypt, women are bolder, loud voiced, brave, and have modified the veil to suit working activities
of all sorts. They drive, travel, work, invest…you name it. Egyptian women travel alone, work
abroad alone, marry formally, or informally through ‘orfy’ contracts which do not guarantee them
any rights upon divorce. They are ambitious and would do anything at any cost. You cannot
mistake an Egyptian girl, because she is outspoken, clever and ready to fight poverty in any way.
Suddenly in Egypt, especially in the cities and towns, one sees women who have raised their standard
of living by working several jobs. On many occasions, this is done to augment the husband’s
earnings for the family. Many street sellers of flowers or vegetables carry mobile phones, which is
odd but true. Many house cleaners and maids work by the hour and earn more than white-collar
workers in office buildings. However, this is dangerous, I believe, because class structures are
overlapping. You cannot easily tell the elite, or upper-middle class society, from new upstarts who
have shot up by working in something illegal, or by accepting bribes to get work done which would
otherwise take ages to be achieved in bureaucratic institutions.
Regarding the progress of women in Egyptian society, one can say, yes, they are rapidly progressing
and their awareness level is rising very fast, but the government is not rich enough to back them.
Battered and divorced women do not receive any compensation benefits, or insurance of any sort so
that a woman does not have to live on the streets if her husband dies, divorces her or re-marries.
Since polygamy is religiously legal, women have finally fought for a right that has closed the abyss of
waiting for years for divorce cases to be finalized. The new ‘kholee,’ or disentanglement law, allows a
woman a divorce in court on condition that she drop all divorce rights. This includes her dowry,
divorce ‘mo’akhar’ or agreed upon divorce payments, and any money she has kept with her
husband. A woman resorts to this method when her husband deserts her, remarries, or when she
feels she can do better elsewhere, free on her own.
This law has encouraged many women to get divorced, without the horror-image of standing in court
and having to say aloud what happens behind closed doors. But, if she doesn’t have some money
saved for these difficult times, or a certificate to work with, or a talent to try out….she becomes a
parasite on family members or sells herself on the streets. Women do not die of hunger; any
catastrophe takes time to heal, and then, like a sponge, she stands up again after drying out from
whatever was poured on her. Dignity and pride are very important to the Egyptian woman, to the
extent that she would kill her offender if he blackmailed her. Life does not have this effect on other
Arab women.
In Saudi Arabia, women find it even hard to escape from torture, abuse or incest, due to the closed life
they live. That does not mean that there are many people suffering. It only means that unfortunate
women are not free to walk out of their environments. They cannot check into hotels on their own,
because they do not have separate Identification documents. They are identified on their father’s
family ID, or husband’s ID. This means, if a housewife walks aimlessly in the street she could be
taken for something other than a housewife. No one would listen to her. First, they cannot see her
face, and secondly, she could easily fall into the wrong hands.
However, there is of course another side to the story. Wherever they are, Saudi women who are
happy spend a lot of money - at beauty salons, designer shops, food courts, jewelers, etc. - paying
with separate ATM cards that allow unlimited access to accounts provided by their rich husbands to
care for their larger-than-usual families. [Editor’s note: Oil profits allow all adult Saudi citizens to pay
no taxes and to enjoy a wide range of subsidies which include food, education, gas, electricity, water,
gasoline, airfare, and health care. Those who are not already independently wealthy are eligible for a plot
of land and an interest-free $80,000 home loan.]
Families are usually extended with parents or in-laws, and 6-12 children supported by maids,
servants, drivers, expeditors who all work for the perfection of a family’s needs. These workers are
provided with lodging, food, and travel tickets, in addition to non-taxable salaries, but have to work
around the clock - never saying anything but ‘yes’ and ‘ok’ and ‘now?’ Any negative answer is
followed by a peaceful deportation of the worker, with a replacement arriving miraculously within
days. This is made easier by the ‘kafeel’ system, wherein no employee steps on Saudi soil without
belonging to a ‘kafeel,’ or responsible caretaker or institution. This enforces contracts very easily, as
no one can move in or out of the country without approval papers pertaining to this system. All
foreign labor follows this system.
Saudi Arabia, is a safe country for a woman. How come? Religion and culture allow ‘respectable’
women to be treated with respect. Women do not queue up for services with men, they have separate
lines which move faster. Women do not have to do any of the difficult tasks in life. Men are
responsible for bringing food and providing shelter. Men pay for everything...medical expenses,
travel, education, weddings…just about everything money can be used for. Women are delicate
birdies that are treated with respect for their motherhood and for their household duties. Women
give orders inside the house and are obeyed in all family matters - who eats what, when and where.
Family marriages are decided by mothers on both sides. The styles of homes and weddings are all
decided by the women, who shop all day visiting real estate brokers, accompanied by either husband
or driver, fussing over the slightest detail which has to be perfect. Women do make the best out of
this situation. Dowry levels are decided by women; the bride and her female family members are
taken to the jewelers to choose her set of diamonds, which can cost as much as a house. Women
show off their wealth and support the legend of family names, keeping up their seeming appearance
in society.
Women are unique in their behavior in the Arab World. One should not come to conclusions
quickly. In order to stand for women, one has to live in a society where observation, interaction,
study and learning are available. Many women in Saudi Arabia have said ‘no’ to driving, because
they feel it demeans their status. Many other women say ‘no’ to being allowed to work, saying that a
woman’s rightful place is in her home, and lots of traditional sayings support this. So, in some parts
of the world one may not be able to stretch a helping hand because no help is sought in the first place,
and the little help sought by the minority is in too low a voice to be heard. Suppression of this
minority group of women is far easier.
I believe that there has to be a spark in a woman’s eyes in order to get help, sympathy, or any kind of
advanced human reaction. Without this spark, a woman remains inconspicuous, like any wild flower
that one crosses without giving it a second look. A spark in her eyes would grant any woman love,
respect, a reaction. This is just part of being a human. It all starts with a spark in her eyes…and she
can change history, the present; and with this same spark she can ultimately change not only her
future but the future of all whom live around her.
Contributor's Notes...
Dr. Lamya Ramadan, Egyptian, born in Egypt, accompanied her parents to Nigeria for eighteen years. Her BA
and MA are in English Literature and Mass Communications from the American University in Cairo, Egypt.
Lamya's PhD Dissertation (UK) was on the 'Role of Women in Western and Arab Society: A case study of
Henrik Ibsen's A Doll's House and Naguib Mahfuz's Trilogy: Palace Walk, Palace of Desire and Sugar
Street.' She has been a university lecturer in Saudi Arabia for almost eight years. Dr. Lamya is married and has
two daughters whom she adores; her late special son has been both the inspiration and weakness behind her.
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