by
Sherri A. Stanczak
be in the prime of my life. Not to mention I had three small boys, ages 7, 5 and 2. My illness put a
big strain on my marriage, also. Sometimes I think it was actually harder on my family than it was
on me. My boys didn’t understand what happened to their mommy, my husband didn’t know how
to deal with it, and my parents were in denial of the whole situation.
I wasn’t glad that I had M.S., but it did explain some of the unusual things that had been going on
with my body: numbness and tingling in my legs, blurred vision, lack of bowel and bladder control,
and the weakness and fatigue. M.S. described my condition perfectly. My physical symptoms were
difficult to manage, but my emotional state of mind was even worse. I had always been such an
active mother. The boys filled my days with all kinds of activities. Going to the skating rink, the
park, ball games and being room-mother, were just a few things that we were used to doing. When
the M.S. flared up, this put a halt to some of these activities. For one thing, my vision seemed to be
affected more than anything. When this would happen, I wasn’t able to drive. During these times,
we couldn’t even leave the house.
My boys wouldn’t let me give up though. They pushed me to keep going. They weren’t about to let
their mom give in to this horrible disease. I remember when my youngest son, Kyle, would come in
my room in the mornings to wake me up. He would lightly pat me on the cheek, as he whispered,
“Mama. Mama.” When I opened my eyes, he would give me the sweetest smile. He would give me
a little hug and then he’d pull back my covers and say, “Get up, Mama. I want some git-gits”
(biscuits). Those words actually saved me. That little boy needed his Mama. If I was using crutches,
he would even hand them to me, to speed up the process a little. He was very persistent and he really
liked his biscuits.
My friends and family were very supportive with my illness. Some of them, brought over dinner for
us or took my kids to school for me in the morning. Sometimes they even helped me with my
housework. Many of them told me that they were sorry it happened to me, especially while my boys
were so small and they needed me so much. Those words would play over and over in my mind.
Yes, my boys needed me, but I needed them just as much. They made me keep trying and they gave
me a reason to get up each morning.
Even though I learned to live with my sickness, and my boys adapted to it just fine, this whole thing
really put a strain on my marriage. Some people have a hard time dealing with a sickness. Just a
couple years after my diagnosis, my husband left us. When I think back on it now, I really do understand;
yet at the time, it didn’t make any sense to me at all. Not only did I have to fight a terrible battle, but
I had to deal with it on my own.
Trying to find a job was another obstacle I had to overcome. Since I was a stay-home mom for eleven
years, I didn’t have experience at anything except for changing diapers. Unfortunately, that was not
needed in the office place. Finding a place to hire me with no experience was one thing, but having
an illness that could hurt my attendance record was a whole new issue. I wouldn’t miss just a day or
two at a time, I would have to miss several days or weeks at a time when the M.S. flared up.
Somehow, I always found some kind of a job though. I learned to keep my illness a secret until after I
was hired. Any place that I mentioned M.S. in my interview, never called me. The jobs I did have, I
learned on-the-job training. I felt like I had to work harder than everyone else, to compensate for my
illness. It paid off most of the time. Many of the places worked with me and helped me through my
bad times. I found that the smaller offices were much more tolerant. One office, however, didn’t have
any patience with me at all. It was a big corporation and the first time I was out for a few days, my
boss reprimanded me in front of everyone. He had no compassion at all. I went in the bathroom
crying, and then I called a place where I had worked before to see if I could come back to work there.
When they agreed, I gave my notice the next day. I didn’t get paid enough to put up with intolerance.
There was a certain amount of things, of course, that I did have to put up with. There were mornings
that I really struggled to just get to work. By the time I got up, got myself ready, helped my boys get
dressed and got them off to school, I was exhausted. Fighting the traffic and dealing with the
aggravation at work, was sometimes too overwhelming. Some days were a little more than I could
handle. Yet, each morning, when I got up and saw my boys’ faces, it reminded me why I had to keep
going. They kept me strong. For some reason, I kept pushing myself.
As the boys got older, our life became more and more hectic. There was baseball, football, hockey,
basketball, band, choir, boy scouts and I even played room mother on my lunch hour when it was
possible. I wanted my boys to have a good childhood, even though they had to deal with some
unusual circumstances.
As I watched my boys grow up, I felt bad sometimes that they had to grow up faster than normal.
However, I realize now, that it probably made them stronger. I am only about 5' 3" and all of my
sons are about 6'. Luckily, I had their respect, and they always looked out for me. There were some
nights, when I would come home after having a bad day at work, and my oldest son would actually
pick me up, put me on the couch, and tell me, “I’m cooking dinner tonight and you’re not getting off
of the couch.” Then he would cook dinner and clean up afterward. He loved experimenting in the
kitchen and even to this day, he is a wonderful cook. He felt like he had to step in and be the man of
the house, when his dad left. He did a fantastic job of taking care of his brothers and me. However,
at times, he took things a little too far and I had to remind him that I was still the parent. Like the
time when he called into work for me, to tell my boss that I was too sick to come in. I told him that he
couldn’t be doing that. I remember that he got very upset, and said, “You don’t have any business
going into work in your condition!” He cried as he hugged me. He was so afraid that something was
going to happen to me. I felt so sorry for him - he wanted so badly to take care of me, and he did
such a great job of it.
I waited until my oldest two sons moved out before I got remarried. I knew that there couldn’t be two
men of the house. My current husband is a wonderful man. He knew what he was up against when
he married me. It hasn’t been easy for him, I know, but he has still stood by me through some pretty
rough times. My youngest son just moved out last year, so now it’s just he and I. My illness has
progressed in the past few years. I have to give myself interferon shots (Rebif), three times a week and
I am on disability now. I wondered what would keep me going once my boys moved out. However,
my family is only growing now. Not only do I have my husband, but I have a daughter-in-law, two
grand-daughters, my other boys’ girlfriends, and even a puppy. Her name is Angel and she truly has
been an angel to me. My boys are still a big part of my life and still very protective of me. They also
make me keep trying. We have come this far, so why would we give up now? We have too much to
live for - we have each other; and that’s a lot!
Hills Traveler, Yorkshire Terrier, Missouri Life, the M.S. Newsletter, and the Leader Publication
Newspaper. She is a frequent contributor to Riverbills.com. Her first book, From the Heart of a Mother,
which is composed of short stories and poems about motherhood and her battle with Multiple Sclerosis (M.S.),
was published in 2007. Ms. Stanczak has three sons, whom she raised on her own, two grand-daughters, and is
married to a wonderful man.
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